If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
