Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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