don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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