He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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