I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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