cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
