My friends, they love my intelligence
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
3 2 1 whiskey
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
