Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
