chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Who died my cat blue again?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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