my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
