Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
