When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
