I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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