OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
