i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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