he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
