Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
