I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
