my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
