just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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