I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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