You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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