if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
