My liver just broke up with me...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
