Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
