i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
