my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
