my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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