Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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