So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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