Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
