I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
third nipple confirmed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I party with great urgency now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
