If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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