woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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