I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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