Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
