grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
