I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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