You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
