She said her name was "party"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
