Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
