i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
