I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
