dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
