Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
