she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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