Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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