I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
