no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
