so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
