i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
