I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
