Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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